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Upper Grades Homeschool "Socialization"

Socialization is a common concern of parents of older homeschoolers. Many families make the decision to send their children to traditional school for this reason. A common myth is that our older kids simply “need” things that only a school environment can provide.

This is actually one of those times where I agree with the myth.

(Well, partly.)

I believe we can stay the course for homeschool in the middle and high school years. I also believe, however, that we need to provide our children with a broader range - and more “school-like” opportunities at this age.

As our children mature into the middle and high school years, we need to keep in mind the need they have for independence, belonging, and ownership.

Learning everything from mom and/or a textbook won’t cut it. Sports teams are increasingly difficult to find for older homeschoolers. Children need other voices of authority and accountability.

The teen years are a tricky transition time - at any age - but for homeschoolers there are many decisions and changes to be faced.

Contrary to popular belief, our older homeschoolers can easily become “unsocialized” without some effort on our parts — here are some ways to keep your big kids engaged and socialied!

We must be intentional about the academic, physical, and peer opportunities we provide for our homeschoolers. It is an interesting situation, though, because as we step away so our children can assume more independence, we need to be MORE involved in and knowledgeable about their activities.

To put this in simple terms - homeschooling our teens requires more head space! Increasing independence doesn’t mean parents can step out… quite the opposite!


Academics Socialization in Upper Grades Homeschool

Do you recall a specific teacher that truly excited you about a subject?

I remember an English teacher in middle school who was passionate about language. Learning beautiful words was a priority in her class. The influence of Mrs. Willets, followed by my wonderful literature teacher, Mrs. O’Connor, the next year, created a love of reading and writing in my young mind.

Our homeschoolers need these types of experiences. How will they discover a passion unless it has been shared with them?

My daughter, Anna, discovered a love for science after having two great teachers in Chemistry and Anatomy & Physiology. - teachers at a local classical school she attends. I am CERTAIN if she wouldn’t have taken these classes she would never have discovered her interest in science.

We can still retain the “homeschool” atmosphere while giving our children varied academic voices. All of the following options are still “homeschool”, but they give kids the chance to hear from expert voices:

  • online classes (Mr D Math is a perfect example - he completely reversed my daughter’s feelings about math!)

  • local homeschool hybrid schools/co-ops

  • parent-taught classes by ANOTHER parent who has expertise in a certain area (maybe an IT dad who would teach a coding class, or an accountant mom who teaches a math class).

  • mentorship with a member of the community who is willing to take a child under their wing and teach them about a particular area

(I loved that my kids got to meet Mr. D in person - we highly recommend him for upper grades math!)

Kids love learning from an “expert” — Mr. D Math is a great example for another voice that can speak into our homeschooled teens!

Most teens work harder for a “teacher” than they will for mom or dad.

And, having the experience of time pressures, grades, and serious accountability not only prepares our children for college (or whatever comes next) but it also provides them with a feeling of accomplishment and confidence when it is all said and done.

I have found mixing a variety of teacher, parent, and student-led coursework to be the perfect marriage in our homeschool. My daughter has a lovely mixture of online and in person coursework, self-study, mentorship, and parent-led instruction, too.


Physical Socialization in Upper Grades Homeschool


Many teens have a deep need and desire to take part in a sport and/or be part of a team. If this physical outlet isn’t met, all other things will suffer.

What is a parent to do, however, when their child reaches 8th grade and the opportunities for things like Little League and other rec sports dwindle?

Creating opportunities for sports teams in upper grades homeschool - Homegrown Learners

A few ideas:

  • Do you live in a state where homeschoolers can play on public school teams? (Some states like Alabama have laws in place to provide for this.) Find out about these state laws at HSLDA.

  • Many private schools allow homeschoolers to play on their teams - my son plays basketball for a local Christian school.

  • Create your own opportunity. For example, my kids played on a homeschool USTA tennis team. A few moms worked with local tennis coaches to set up instruction times, and then registered a USTA team of homeschoolers.

  • Check the YMCA - our YMCA offers certain sports through high school and I have also seen special opportunities for homeschoolers, too.

  • Ask around, and if an opportunity doesn’t exist - create one yourself!

The physical outlets we provide for our kids are every bit as important as the academic outlets!


Peer Socialization in Upper Grades Homeschool

This can be THE MOST CHALLENGING part of homeschooling teens - friendships.

When our children are younger simple park dates and field trips are enough for socialization, but as our children mature they need deeper friendships with meaningful connections.

The world of traditional school encourages our children to cast their nets wide rather than deep — more is better, right?

More friends. More activities. More AP classes. More, more, more.

In the homeschool world we have the beautiful opportunity to encourage our children to go DEEP.

Socialization in Middle and High School Homeschool

Cultivate a few lasting friendships. Hone in on one or two activities you enjoy. Study a few things that are of interest to you. Less is more. The gift of space is HUGE for our teens.

Keep this in mind as you think about socialization and your teen. We need to cast aside the notions of what “should” be for our kids, and give ourselves permission to let them be who they are, without the pressure of a school telling them what to do.

I would encourage you to do everything you can to steer your teen towards healthy social outlets - even creating them yourself - so that you can provide them with strong friendships and activities during their middle and high school years.

Examples:

  • activities with local homeschool groups (we have a few that put on dances during the school year - so much fun!)

  • participating in a local co-op or hybrid school where different families take turns hosting social events for the teens

  • choosing activities carefully where your children have good friends

  • making your home inviting and a gathering place, so your child can invite their friends over

  • carefully cultivating a homeschool circle of families - a group you will travel the entire educational journey with


I have been so pleased with the homeschool path we have taken with our children. My children are happy and safe. They have kind friends who support them. They aren’t concerned about superficial things like boyfriends and girlfriends, clothing, popularity, or social media. We have worked hard to craft a life that is meaningful and valuable for them - minus the junk our world has told them should naturally just be a part of being a teenager.

Let me encourage you to stay the homeschool course with your big kids.

It’s SO worth it.

Do you homeschool big kids?

What unique opportunities have they taken advantage of that you can share with us?



A Bookish Update

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” ~Charles William Eliot

This is my relationship with books.

My love affair with books has burned slowly over the past few years, and I believe this year it has culminated into a roaring fire - a healthy (albeit all consuming) hobby.

My goal is to read widely, carefully, and out of my comfort zone.

I read to better educate myself and my children.

What I didn’t realize was just what a balm reading would be for my soul - the soul of a mom who is readying children for college, caring for aging parents, and sometimes feeling that escaping into a book might just be the very best part of the day.

A Bookish Update - The Reading Life of a Homeschooling Mom

Can you relate?

When last I left you with a bookish update it was the Quarterly Reading Update. I had read many books I enjoyed - and a couple that reached me in profound ways.

I’ll give you my highlights since then, and a fun reading project I have set for myself this fall.

No matter how you slice it - I’d Rather Be Reading!


Books for Mom

Following are the books I’ve read since the last update.

My five must reads out of this list are:

Small Great Things: A NovelThe 49th Mystic (Beyond the Circle)A Place for Us: A NovelLabor Day: A Novel (P.S.)Mark of the Lion : A Voice in the Wind, An Echo in the Darkness, As Sure As the Dawn (Vol 1-3)Crazy Rich Asians (Crazy Rich Asians Trilogy)The Handmaid's TaleThe Widows of Malabar Hill (A Mystery of 1920s India)Garden Spells: A Novel (Waverly Family)Same Kind of Different As MeThat Kind of Mother: A NovelI Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with DeathA Well-Tempered Heart (Art of Hearing Heartbeats)The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry: A NovelA Practical Guide to Culture: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Today’s WorldI'll Be Your Blue Sky: A NovelThe Almost Sisters: A NovelThe Great Alone: A NovelAn Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and MadnessThe Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-DiscoveryLittle Fires EverywhereThe Mothers: A NovelThe Beach HouseA Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Modern Classics)The Stolen Marriage: A NovelTruly Madly GuiltyUnwritten: A NovelWhat I Saw And How I LiedMy Name Is Lucy Barton: A NovelAn American Marriage: A Novel (Oprah's Book Club 2018 Selection)Bel CantoEleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine: A NovelHome Fire: A NovelThrush Green (Thrush Green Series, Book 1)Winter in Thrush Green (Thrush Green, Book 2)Beartown: A NovelTell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to SayStay with Me: A novelThe Read-Aloud Family: Making Meaningful and Lasting Connections with Your KidsLilli de Jong: A NovelEvery Note PlayedWhere You Go Is Not Who You'll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions ManiaMalagash

 


Reading Aloud with Teens


I take such joy in reading aloud - thanks to The Read Aloud Family I have plenty of suggestions!

Reading with older children can be fun, too. It creates a shared time and experience that is of such value in the teen years.

Please don’t give up on reading aloud to them once your children are older. They need it then more than ever!

I heartily recommend each one of these titles!

A Long Walk to Water: Based on a True StoryListening for LionsPeter Nimble and His Fantastic EyesBreaking Stalin's NoseThe Great Trouble: A Mystery of London, the Blue Death, and a Boy Called EelOkay for NowThe WilloughbysThe Graveyard Book

 


Reading for Fall

This fall I have a fun project - I have recently acquired some of the Puffin in Bloom classics. At the same time, two other books have found their way to me - books that will pair perfectly with the Little Women and Anne of Green Gables. I can’t wait to revisit these classics from my childhood, and then read the contemporary books to go with them!

All of this was inspired through a visit to meet Anne Bogel at The Story Shop in Monroe, GA - if you’re ever in the Atlanta area and have a chance to visit this bookstore, you MUST!

Little Women (Puffin in Bloom)Anne of Green Gables (Puffin in Bloom)Meg, Jo, Beth, Amy: The Story of Little Women and Why It Still MattersAnne of Green Gables, My Daughter, and Me: What My Favorite Book Taught Me about Grace, Belonging, and the Orphan in Us All

 


Until next time - enjoy all the books!

What have you read recently that you can recommend to me? Leave me a comment below and I’ll add them to my list!

You might also like:

Favorite Read Alouds for Teen Boys

The 50 Books I Read in One Year