What Does My Child "Need" To Know?

One of the biggest questions in the mind of a new homeschooling parent is: “What does my child NEED to know?”

I’ve heard so many new homeschoolers these days ask what the public school requirements are for certain grade levels - so they are sure to teach the “right” things at home.

Guess what? You are a homeschooler now. YOU decide what your child needs to know.

The question of what our children need to know, and are we teaching them the right things looms large at different points in time for ALL homeschoolers. Don’t we all wonder if my child is “up to speed” with children their age? Will have the body of knowledge necessary for some magical assimilation into adulthood?

We’ve been conditioned by our society to believe teaching children - and deciding upon the body of knowledge they need to know - is best left to the experts.

We are used to looking to SOMEONE ELSE to tell us what our children need to know.

I understand if you are a person with traditional school experience (which is pretty much all of us) then this statement might be controversial.

But parents, the truth is this: YOU are the authority on your child. YOU get to decide what (and how) they learn.

Our family lives in Georgia, which is a homeschool friendly state. I realize other states may be more prescriptive about what children learn - but for the sake of argument I’m going to assume everyone reading this lives in my neighborhood.

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Children Grow and Mature at Different Rates

Comparing your children to other children their age, or using resources that tell you what your “5th grader should know” is pointless.

Each child is a unique creation of God, and they will develop at their own pace.

One of my children read fluently in the second grade. The other read fluently by the time they turned five. Guess what? They are 19 and 15 now and I can tell you it all evens out in the wash!

I’ve been there, trust me. I tried to shove a requisite amount of sight words down my Kindergartener’s throat, and the only thing achieved was frustration and a wounded relationship.

Please honor your child by not holding them to any developmental benchmarks!

Each Child’s Life in the World Will Be Unique

Our children are God’s workmanship.

As with their development, there is also a unique plan for their life, and homeschooling allows us to listen to God’s voice and nurture that plan.

As a homeschooler you now have the world as your oyster - if you see a particular talent or passion your child possesses, you are free to go in that direction with your child.

Do you remember my 10 tips for homeschooling? Tip #4 encourages you to write your reasons for homeschooling to help you remember your WHY. One of our reasons for homeschooling is to nurture and support our children’s God-given gifts and abilities.

Don’t Sell Yourself Short

(but do your research)

YOU are the best authority when it comes to what your child should learn.

Trust yourself to make educational decisions for your children.

Research curricula, homeschool methods, and different methods of delivery (online classes, textbooks, interest-led learning).

Are you able to seek out a homeschool mentor that is farther along the journey than you? Are there particular online voices you trust (be careful here, because at this point in time there are MANY homeschool experts out there!) Feel free to join my private Facebook group, Equipping Homegrown Learners. This is a great place to ask questions and gain support.

God has given you these children to raise. You are an authority on what makes them tick. Now go homeschool them!

It’s Good To Look to Resources as a Guide

By all means, look to trusted resources as a guide. Gather information. Do research. Pursue your job as a home educator with excellence.

I have found some extremely helpful resources over the years:

• The Well Trained Mind - A Guide to Classical Education at Home

• Cathy Duffy Homeschool Curriculum Review

• For the Children’s Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School

• Educating the Whole Hearted Child

• Help! I’m Homeschooling
  
  

Consider A Box Curriculum

Our first full year of homeschooling I was getting my feet wet. Even though I had been a public school teacher, I didn’t feel equipped to teach my OWN children. (Isn’t that sad? I know now how flawed that thinking was.)

One of the best decisions I made, however, was to purchase a box curriculum. While it did adhere to a particular grade level, the curriculum was full of beautiful living books, a solid math curriculum, and more.

If you want to have all of your boxes checked, this might be a great place to start:

• Sonlight

• My Father’s World

• The Good and the Beautiful

I know there are more - but the three I recommended are solid Christian resources I am familiar with.

Over time, I’ve gained the confidence to piece together curriculum and branch out a lot more with my kids.

You will, too.

Remember - Rome wasn’t built in a day. And you aren’t going to become a homeschool expert in a day, either.

Give yourself (and your kiddos!) lots of grace, and enjoy this very precious time that’s been given to you.

Talk to me about your homeschool situation. Are you a new homeschooler? Veteran?

How do you decide what your kids need to know? Let me know in the comments below!

You might also enjoy:

You’re a Homeschool Mom? You’re Building Something Amazing!

How I Shelter My Children

Parent or Teacher? Blurred Lines and How to Adjust

“I just want to be their mom, not their teacher!”

I can’t tell you the number of times I have made this statement (often through tears) to my husband or a friend. Oftentimes it is just plain HARD having the responsibility of being your child’s educational authority and also their parent.

Right now EVERYONE is finding themselves with the responsibility of their children’s education on their shoulders. Notice I didn’t say everyone is HOMESCHOOLING - because I have told you before: Please Stop Homeschooling the Children!

When I began homeschooling many years ago it took a good amount of time for us to make the adjustment - my daughter had to adjust to me being her “teacher”, and I had to adjust to trying to play two roles: mom and teacher.

I understand. Whether you are a veteran homeschooler or find yourself suddenly responsible for your child’s education right now - we all need to give ourselves and our children an abundance of grace and love.

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Change Your Terminology and Your Thinking

The way we label and think about something matters. Let me suggest to you that you don’t call yourself your child’s TEACHER.

Especially if your children have been in traditional school for an extended period of time, the word “teacher” has a very specific meaning:

According to the dictionary, a teacher is:

one that  teaches especially : one whose occupation is to instruct

When our children are at home with us and we are responsible for their education, we cannot call ourselves their teacher. I believe that depersonalizes us and (especially for children who have been used to traditional school) causes our children to view us in a certain way.

I quickly learned when we began homeschooling that recreating school at home didn’t work. I was NOT my child’s teacher - she had a teacher at her school and with that definition came certain expectations.

Please don’t consider yourself your child’s TEACHER. You are still their parent, and you are guiding them through their learning… which leads me to the next point.

There is Power in Modeling

Be the “Learner in Charge”.

One of the most effective things I did early on with my daughter was to sit with her sometimes while she did math - and I would do the same assignment at the same time. I wanted her to see that I was learning, too, and that I was willing to put in the work with her.

You must show your children there is value and purpose in what they are doing. Why would you ask them to do something you would not be willing to sit down and do yourself?

Having your children at home for their schooling won’t work if you just slap worksheets in front of them and make them sit alone to complete them. (I wouldn’t want to do that.) Sit with them, encourage them, offer an incentive (our favorite was always a little muffin cup of chocolate chips!).

Again, this doesn’t happen overnight. As the parent you must learn to be inquisitive and thoughtful - education cannot be an us vs. them mentality (which it often is in traditional school).

We are educating our children at home because we believe there is value in learning together, and value in learning beautiful things.

Kids Need Love and Acceptance

Please remember this. Especially now.

There have been times when I have thrown “school” out the window to focus on my children’s specifc emotional needs. When a grandparent has passed away or when times in our world are uncertain children don’t need schoolwork. They need security and love.

The inclination when someone makes a school “assignment” or when the curriculum suggests something is that we should complete it at all costs.

Please don’t make SCHOOL an idol. Your child’s hearts are much more important.

You would be amazed at how beneficial a day of just reading good books, doing art together, taking a nature walk, or cuddling up to watch movies, can be.

And if you are thinking right now, “Well, the school (or curriculum) says this HAS to be done,” I would suggest to you that YOU are the authority for your child. How will your child ever accept you as that authority if you’re not willing to exercise it?

Don’t Tie Punishments to Schoolwork

I learned my lesson with this early on. Issuing punishments when schoolwork isn’t completed just doesn’t work.

“No TV time unless you finish your math.”

“No special snack until you copy all 10 of these sentences.”

Or, here’s the worst one (especially for boy):

“You cannot go outside until you have finished all of your work!”

I know the temptation is strong to bribe our children into completing their schoolwork, but again - I urge you to look at the HEART behind why your child might be dragging their feet. Maybe simply sitting down next to them and encourage them will help. Or, maybe breaking the assignment into smaller steps will solve the problem.

You will find that your creativity increases exponentially the longer you have your children home with you. You WILL discover ways to motivate them, but please don’t attach punishments to incomplete schoolwork!


(And remember — read alouds cure so many ills - this is one of our all-time favorites for pre-teens/teens. I also have a page dedicated to reading with kids which can be helpful to you.)

Your Kids Have Assigned You a Role - Changing That Takes Time

This is the biggie. If your children have been in traditional school for a long time they are not going to view you as their educational authority right away. It is impossible and unfair to ask them for 100% compliance right away.

As I said before, relax. Maybe give yourself one big goal each day when it comes to schoolwork. If your child completes a math assignment well, call that day a success! If they read out loud to you for 30 minutes, call that day a success.

Your children are most likely mourning the loss of a school environment and adjusting to home. You are mostly likely mourning the loss of “free” time or time to work quietly while your children have been at school.

Grace, grace, and more grace.