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You Always Have a Choice: The Mindset Shift That Happens When You Homeschool

I’ve been advocating for the choice to homeschool for many years now. As I watch a new generation of parents and children, I feel the need to beat the drum a bit louder. Perhaps you’ve heard this message from me before, or maybe this is the first time - You can homeschool!

There’s a moment in many homeschooling families that feels almost like stepping through a hidden door. You walk away from the familiar structure of traditional schooling, gather your children close, and choose something different. At first it feels risky—uncomfortable even. But then something remarkable happens: you begin to see differently. And then you feel …. FREEDOM.

When you step out of one system, you start asking questions about every system. You start noticing where you once handed over decisions simply because “that’s how it’s done.” You notice how much of childhood—of family life, of learning, of identity—gets shaped by institutions that were never designed with your particular children in mind.

And then you realize something both liberating and sobering:

You always have a choice.

That may be the most important shift of all.

You Always Have a Choice: The Choice to HOmeschool

Stepping Away From the Default

Traditional school is the default for most people. It’s what they experienced, what their neighbors are doing, what society quietly assumes. But familiarity doesn’t equal rightness. A thing can be common without being best.

When we decided to homeschool, we didn’t just opt out of school—we opted into a more intentional approach. We opted into asking better questions. We opted into reclaiming the responsibility that always belonged to us.

Once you step away, you see clearly. You notice how reflexively we hand our children over to systems because it feels normal. And yet, if you pause and think carefully…

We wouldn’t give a stranger our credit card.

We wouldn’t hand over our house keys to them.

We wouldn’t entrust them with our most valuable possessions.

So why were we so comfortable handing them what is infinitely more precious—our children—because that was simply “what people do”?

It’s a jolting question, but an important one.

The Courage to Question

Questioning is not rebellion for rebellion’s sake. It’s discernment. It’s stewardship. It’s an act of love.

Homeschooling teaches you to trust your own instincts again. To trust that you know your child better than any expert, institution, or standardized blueprint ever could.

Choosing a different path doesn’t mean scorning those who choose otherwise. It simply means refusing to outsource the heart of your family life to systems that weren’t built to honor the uniqueness of your children.

As parents, we are called to weigh things carefully.

We are allowed to say:

“This doesn’t fit my child.”

“This environment doesn’t nurture curiosity.”

“This schedule doesn’t honor the pace of our family.”

“This system doesn’t align with our values.”

And we’re allowed to choose differently.

This pertains to school, sports, other extra-curriculars — you name it, you have the permission to CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY.

A Grace-Filled Boldness

Homeschooling has not made our family perfect. Not even close. But it has made us awake. More discerning. More willing to take responsibility for the shaping of our children’s minds, hearts, and days.

It has made our family closer, our children confident communicators, and our appreciation of INDEPENDENCE deeper.

If you’re a parent standing on the edge of this decision—hesitant, curious, maybe a little scared—here’s what I want you to hear:

You are capable.

You are allowed.

You have choices.

You don’t need to justify your instincts. You don’t need to apologize for protecting childhood. You don’t need permission to honor what you know to be true for your family.

And you don’t need to hand your children to a system simply because it’s the culturally expected thing to do.

Choosing homeschool is an act of ownership, courage, and profound love. It’s a decision that ripples into every part of life and reshapes how you see the world.

Once you question one system, you learn to question them all—and in that questioning, you reclaim something precious: your authority, your voice, and the deep, quiet knowledge that your children belong with you.

That shift is worth everything. (Ask me how I know!)

What Happens After Your Homeschooler Graduates

The final transcripts are sent, the last math lesson is logged, and—almost without warning—you find your house a little quieter than before.

Years ago, when we first began our homeschool journey, I obsessed over getting it “right.” Would my children be ready for the “real world?” Would I be ready when this chapter closed?

Let me whisper what I wish I could tell my younger self: “It’s going to be okay, friend. Truly, it is.”

Life After Your Homeschooler Graduates

Pause and Breathe: Embrace the Bittersweet

Let’s be honest. When our homeschoolers toss their caps in the air (or maybe they don’t, because we don’t do a lot traditionally, do we?), we often feel a mix of joy, relief, pride, and maybe even a tinge (or two)of sadness—the bittersweet ache of closing a sacred season.

Please know that you aren’t alone if you find yourself a little weepy while cleaning out a closet or driving past your favorite field trip spot. It’s normal to grieve the ebb of togetherness and the routine that carried you for so many years.

Rediscovering Yourself

Homeschooling may have filled your days and focused your purpose, so don’t be surprised if you sense a “now what?” echoing through your heart.

It’s time to rediscover you.

Give yourself permission to explore passions or projects that may have sat on the back burner. Maybe you’ll pick up that book pile, nurture new hobbies, or finally join the Bible study (I highly recommend it—what a blessing it’s been for me to have been in Bible Study Fellowship the past two years!).

Might I also suggest that every parent of adult children read Doing Life With Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out. Trust me, it’s the best book you can read during this stage of life!

For some, new work opportunities or volunteering call your name. For others, the deep joy of being present and available for adult children as they chart their own paths becomes its own fulfilling work.

I’ve been blessed to continue my work in the music appreciation curriculum I started so many years ago, while also being a listening ear for my oldest, who is a special needs teacher at a school in our area. I love that I can chat on the phone with her after a challenging day, attend the school’s programs, and even volunteer in her classroom!

There Will Be Unexpected Gifts

Homeschooling equips our children for meaningful, real-life adventures. Don’t be surprised when your graduate calls home, not homesick, but thriving, well-prepared to face fresh challenges with confidence.

Remember: their independence isn’t a sign they’ve forgotten you, but a beautiful fruit of years spent learning and growing together. (I’m having to remind myself of this daily, especially with my youngest as he counts down the days until he returns to college for the fall semester!)

Pour Back Into Community

You now possess a wealth of wisdom—from transcript woes to great ideas for field trips —that’s pure gold to the next generation of homeschool parents.

Consider mentoring, writing, or simply being that welcoming face (with a cup of coffee!) for a family just starting their journey. It’s a way to honor your own experience and keep your heart invested in something meaningful.

My husband and I invest in young families through our church and also through a nonprofit organization we have become involved with. What a blessing it is to take a lot of our hard-won knowledge and gently share that with the next set of parents coming along! Many times, I learn so much from them and find I’m growing from our relationship, too.

I’m also loving volunteering with the special needs community right now. In my heart, I think I always wanted to be a music therapist or special education teacher, so I’m living out a dream.

Pouring back into the community as a homeschool mom

You’ve Done Well

Exhale.

You are not defined solely by your role as a homeschool mom (or dad); you are a vibrant, multi-faceted person with dreams yet to be discovered.

Celebrate the years you gave to your children’s education, but don’t lose yourself in nostalgia. This is a time for gratitude, self-compassion, and excitement for what God has in store, both for your children and for you.

Life Flourishes anew after homeschool ends

If you feel lost, call a friend. If you feel inspired, jot down those ideas for the future. Know that it’s okay to feel everything all at once. And always remember: this life after homeschool is not an end, but a gentle invitation to become, explore, and flourish anew.

You’ve shepherded your family well. Now, let yourself honor—and even savor—this next chapter. You’ve earned it.

Have you graduated homeschoolers and moved into the next phase of life? Do you have wisdom to share with us? Let me know in the comments below!