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Homeschool High School: Follow That Child (an update)

I had no idea how much my last big high school post would resonate with readers.

So many parents of middle and high school homeschool students struggle - and they struggle in silence.

It's been a year and I'm still receiving emails from people who have gained peace of mind and a little courage from our story. I've heard countless stories of children who have been pushed through the "correct" course for them in middle and/or high school, only to discover a decline in their child's love for learning. 

When you witness your bright-eyed child lose their drive and delight it pulls at your heartstrings. It is a feeling of helplessness I can't quite describe.

But here is the SPECTACULAR news about homeschooling: We have CHOICES! 

We can talk with our high schoolers, LISTEN to our high schoolers, and ultimately follow them to design a high school education that works for them! We don't need to be motivated by fear or the need to follow the crowd.

If you are willing to put on those running shoes and keep up with your high schooler, homeschooling them can be a beautiful, refining process for everyone!

Homeschool High School: Follow Your Child

In short (and if you don't know our story,  read the post from June of last year), the Classical Conversations Challenge program wasn't a fit for my daughter. It wasn't a fit for me, as her teaching parent. 

We were so heavily invested in the "method", however, that I felt we didn't have a choice but to continue. I felt as if we would be failing if we QUIT so close to the finish line. After all, I had been reading all of the wonderful stories of children who had graduated from the Challenge program and were doing beautiful things. 

What I didn't read was:

  • stories of children who were bogged down, uninspired, and overwhelmed

  • stories of children who had lost their love of reading because of the extensive reading which Challenge requires (especially Challenge I and II)

  • stories about children who ceased to learn effectively from their parents

  • stories of children who NEEDED outside teachers


Many times I don't think a homeschooling parent wants to admit they might not be the best teacher for their child in the high school years. The relationship dynamics and difficulty of subject matter sometimes necessitate we do some serious outsourcing or dare I say it -- put them in a traditional school. 

(After all, we look at Instagram and read blogs and see homeschool parents guiding their children through high school and they make it look SO easy!)

Many times I don't think a homeschooling parent has the fortitude to stay in their own lane - the peer pressure is very real in some circumstances.

Many times I believe we operate out of a place of fear - fear of the outside world and its influences and fear of the unknown.

Many times I think we find something and stick with it - regardless of if it works or not - because it is what we KNOW. 

 

This is what I can say with 100% certainty after Anna's junior year:

Always listen to YOUR child. Keep tabs on the pulse of your family. If a change needs to be made, have the courage to make it.

I'm so glad we made the change - my relationship with my daughter is so much better because of it.

Homeschool High School - Follow that Child

Social/Emotional Goals for the Junior Year

Each child is so different. 

For my sweet Anna, she needed to prove to herself that she could do hard things - that she could write her own destiny and succeed. She's always been my strong-willed child and this serves her very well. 

In July of last year my mom passed away. My mom and Anna were very close - my mom was her biggest champion (in only that way a grandparent can be, know what I mean?). Getting over that loss was hard for Anna - and I KNEW I had to pick up where my mom left off and champion her every bit as much - and honor the way she wanted to learn and the environment she wanted to learn in.

Challenge was never a "fit" for her - I can't quite put my finger on it, but something never felt right. Because we honored her decision to leave Challenge and try something new it deepened her trust for us and it also gave her so much confidence in her abilities to adapt to CHANGE.

Her schedule this year was such that she had four academic classes in 4 different places. She had to listen to different sets of teachers and juggle syllabi and logistics. She's nervous about going away to college one day and wanted to prepare herself ahead of time. 

It is now June after her junior year and SHE DID IT! We are in such a different place than we were last year at this time and the growth has been exponential. 

She's driving herself everywhere.

She has a job.

She's looking at colleges - taking the ACT and SAT.

She handles her schoolwork 100% on her own. 

She has a sweet friend base and has been busy with friends all year long.

She spends free time journaling, drawing, practicing lettering, and playing music. Most of all, things just CLICK now - it showed me just how badly we needed to make a change.

Homeschool High School: Follow that Child


 

Academics in the Junior Homeschool Year

The academic integrity of the junior year was important to me.

My daughter and I sat down at the end of last school year and considered many factors.

Her biggest request was that she learn everything in a more traditional way.

She is a person that needs schedules, lists, and someone to be accountable to. 

Our goals were:

  • college preparatory coursework

  • taking at least one class at homeschool classical school in our area - to have a friend base and activities, etc...

  • AP coursework in the hopes of getting some credits for college

  • time for a job and volunteering

 

Chemistry

The next step in science was Chemistry. Anna was fortunate to take a wonderful Chemistry class at a local classical school. 

Using the Apologia Chemistry text she learned so much and had a GREAT year. 

For difficult subjects like this the Challenge model was hard for us. We found it much easier to learn a subject like Chemistry from an expert and in a structured manner rather than self-teaching from a text with limited support from a Challenge tutor. Anna also had the opportunity to get someone on one tutoring for the math parts of Chemistry, which can be quite difficult. 

Some kids can self teach quite easily, but others need more direction and assistance.

 

AP Language & Composition

I can only describe this class as a 100% God thing. 

Anna enjoys writing and we both agreed she needed lots of feedback on her writing as she approached college. 

As we sought to earn college credit and also have a rigorous, Christian course, the AP Language and Composition offering from HSLDA Academy came onto the radar. This class was the perfect fit for Anna!

One thing I have learned about my daughter is that she thrives when there is a personal relationship with a caring adult. Her AP Language and Composition teacher was demanding and firm, yet caring and full of constructive criticism. Anna spent the year learning the finer points of writing and how to write in different styles. 

What we learned this year is that Anna can WRITE.  She sat for the AP exam a couple of weeks ago and felt very confident. If we hadn't put her in a traditional class with instruction and constant feedback from an expert, I don't think she would have had quite as much confidence in her abilities, and it certainly proved to her that she can tackle a difficult subject and do well.

 

AP European History

This course was TOUGH. We had both heard horror stories of the difficulty of the class and the AP exam, and I think the stories were accurate. 

We've always had a great experience with Memoria Press Academy, (Anna took Latin I and Latin II through Memoria in 9th and 10th grade) so signed up for this online course. The subject is EXTENSIVE - and they had to run through the material so quickly to cover everything that I think Anna lost interest early on. (She's also not a big history buff.)  

I think no matter she would have taken this course it would have been tough and not so interesting.

(She did enjoy her two big term papers for this class. She received excellent feedback and it reinforced to her that she is a GOOD writer. I was thankful  she heard this from two AP teachers this year!)


In all honesty, I think I could have designed a history class for her with living books that would have been much more engaging, but she wanted to take a full load of high school classes from other "teachers" (not mom!) - to prove to herself she could do it. 

Lesson learned on this one: you can make it through difficult things and you will survive what many call the most difficult AP exam of them all!  God uses it all for good, doesn't He?

(Plus, she now has a notebook full of pretty notes - she brings her creativity into everything she does!)

Homeschool High School: Follow that Child

 

 

Pre-Calculus

Anna went on the same path for math that she has been on for all of high school - Mr. D Math. 

Mr. D has been the perfect fit for Anna - she isn't a "math" kid, but Mr. D has made it approachable and dare I say sometimes even enjoyable for her. 

She attended the live sessions with Mr. D (which she claims are a must!) and it all went well this year. 

Win.

 

Health

This is being done this summer through Monarch - a simple self-paced health curriculum that checks off this requirement for graduation.
 

Music/Piano & Guitar lessons

Anna kept up with her piano and guitar lessons this year. 

As I let her have more freedom she decided to spend much more time with her guitar - she played in our church several times and for our monthly special needs music program. She also helped her guitar teacher with a Ukulele Club for younger homeschool students. 

Homeschool High School - Follow that Child

 

Moving on to Senior Year

We're taking a little while to catch our breath this summer and then will finalize plans for her senior year. 


Where did the time go? I'm not quite sure I can make sense of it yet. 

It really does seem like she was just playing school with her American Girl dolls and begging me to read just another chapter in a book to her. 

 

Thanks for joining me on this journey of homeschooling a high schooler. It's been quite a wild ride, but one I wouldn't trade for anything!

 

Are you homeschooling a high schooler?  Can you relate to anything I shared above?

 

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Stop Telling Me Why You Can't Homeschool (High School)

How to Reach Your Teen Homeschooler's Heart

How To Reach Your Teen Homeschooler's Heart

Homeschooling in the teen years is IMPORTANT.

It can be hard, however, in the midst of shifting hormones, strained relationships, and the seemingly constant struggle for independence.

An essential element of homeschool high school success is reaching our child's heart. If we can win their heart and reach them in meaningful and lasting ways, our children will better respond to our homeschooling efforts. 

How in the world can we teach our children if we don't first have a relationship with them? 

It all boils down to relationship, and the key to relationship is the heart. 

If we miss the heart, we're missing the most important thing.

How to Reach Your Teen Homeschooler's Heart

Know How to Parent a Teen Effectively

Parenting teens in general (never mind homeschooling them!) is a job that requires continuing education. 

The teen years are NOT the time to check out, delegate more of their education, or think your child can be on "auto-pilot". If anything, it is the time become MORE engaged and vigilant. 

Our teens' brains are being hard-wired from the ages of 12-23, and what they do during these years MATTERS. Their values are in formation. They are deciding who and what they want to be.

The choices we make for and with them will last a lifetime.

Three things you can do for yourself as you travel this road:

  • Read/Listen to the Bible daily - I LOVE the Daily Audio Bible! How can I be open to what the Holy Spirit is saying to me about my teen if I'm not training myself to listen?

  • Spend time with a few good parenting books geared for parents of teens

  • Find a mentor who has graduated homeschoolers successfully - someone who can provide you support and guidance

Your Teenager Is Not Crazy: Understanding Your Teen's Brain Can Make You a Better ParentUnderstanding Your Teen: Shaping Their Character, Facing Their RealitiesBoundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say NoAge of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, Second Edition (Resources for Changing Lives)Parenting Teens in a Confusing Culture: Answering Parent's Most Challenging Questions

 


Embrace Those Teens

No one told me how much FUN our teens would be. 

I heard a lot of "enjoy them while they're little" and "good luck when they're teens".

My teens are genuinely interesting and enjoyable people to be around. We can debate with them, laugh with them, and be silly with them. They are capable of handling big ideas and shouldering more of the load around the house. 

Sure, we get our share of attitudes and eye rolls, but my husband is quick to point out to me that if we respond with love and patience - and don't respond with lectures and demands - our lives will all be much easier. That runs counter to my "listen to me!" nature, but I'm learning it really is the best strategy when dealing with my teens.

I pray our home is a haven for our children - a place where they feel loved, accepted, and free to fail. 

(Obviously, my teenage son feels very free to be himself - as evidenced in this picture!)

How to Reach Your Teen Homeschooler's Heart

All those things you've heard? Well, they're true.

Hugs your teens a lot (even when you - or they - don't feel like it). Be willing to put your comfort aside (and sometimes your sleep) so you can talk with them late at night when they are just coming alive. Be willing to put up with some of their messes and disorganization (it goes with the territory).

Most of all, don't expect LESS of them because they are teens. Our teens are capable of so much more than SnapChat, Instagram, Netflix, YouTube, and texting their friends. Engage them in meaningful conversations on deep topics. Let them know what they think MATTERS.


 

Know Your Teen's Love Language

When my children were younger we took the love languages test online. Their love languages were Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. Now that they are both teens I had them take the test for teens - and things had changed a bit. My son went from Words of Affirmation to Gift Giving and my daughter stayed the same with Quality Time.

But once we know their love language, how do we put that into practice - especially when it might not match up with our own love language?

 

Teen Love Language Example #1: 

For my youngest, his love language is Gift Giving. You might say - "I'm not going to buy my children things to show them I love them!"  And yes, I agree. But let me share with you some things I do that seem to speak to my 13-year-old son: 

  • Jelly Beans!  He loves to go to the Jelly Belly station at our grocery store and pick out jelly beans. It's kind of our thing. I do this every so often he treasures those jelly beans!  
  • Contributing to a Goal:  My son recently saved some money to buy himself a Ripstick - he needed just a bit more, and I happily contributed the extra $10. We made an afternoon out of looking for the ripstick, and then I took an active interest in watching him learn and being available to go outside when he wants to show me his latest trick.
  • Unexpected surprises: During our school day I will sometimes pull a small bag of M&Ms out of my purse and give them to my son during math. Or, I might take him out for half price milkshakes at Steak N' Shake in the middle of the afternoon.

The big point is this: when you know and address your teen's love language, you are showing your child you honor what is important to them.

You are willing to go outside of your own comfort zone and treat them. You are making an effort to sincerely show them what they like MATTERS!  

It is against my nature to buy my child sweets - but it speaks to him and I don't go overboard. The investment in relationship is worth it! 

 
Know Your Teen Homeschooler's Love Language

Teen Love Language Example #2: 

My daughter has long loved quality time. It's her thing. She thrives on a personal relationship. 

I have seen firsthand that she will do MUCH better in school if she has a good relationship with the person who is teaching her. She has a radar for insincerity and will not hesitate to call a spade a spade - know what I mean?

The investment of TIME goes a long way with this child. 

  • Have a makeup date:  I never wore much makeup until my daughter starting wearing makeup! She watches tutorials and has a talent for doing makeup well. She loves it when I suggest she do my makeup. How easy is that?  
  • Have a binge-watching date:  We enjoy Downton Abbey - we've binge watched the series a few times. Setting aside this chunk of time, popping some popcorn, and hanging out with her in the basement is her love language!
  • Reading time: I'm kind of being selfish on this one (ha!), but sometimes I will offer to make a cup of tea and just sit quietly and be together reading our own books. My daughter has drifted away from reading recently, but I can convince her to join me for tea and a book on occasion. 

A Teen's Guide to the 5 Love Languages: How to Understand Yourself and Improve All Your RelationshipsThe 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens EffectivelyThe Five Love Languages of TeenagersFive Love Languages Of Teenagers New Ed PB by Chapman Gary (2010)The 5 Love Languages/5 Love Languages for Men/5 Love Languages of Teenagers/5 Love Languages of ChildrenThe Five Love Languages of Teenagers: Parent Study GuideThe 5 Love Languages of Children/The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers Set

 


Put Your Pride Aside

In the first few years of parenting teens I felt I knew it all. My teenager needed to listen to me "just because". 

I didn't tolerate disrespect. There was a lot of lecturing and many raised voices. 

I used to get frustrated because my husband wouldn't join in with this behavior. He always seemed unphased by my oldest's misbehavior - or what I deemed as misbehavior. He wouldn't lecture or get upset - he simply showed patience and a sense of calm that completely mystified me.

Looking back, and also having read some great parenting books, I can now see that ignoring and showing grace through not getting angry with my teen goes A LONG way.

I had to lay my pride aside and discover there was a much gentler and more effective way to parent my teen. Patience and grace have become my two favorite words.

Our house is much calmer now. Yes, we still have our moments of teen angst and drama, but the way in which I respond is much different. The way those situations are resolved is much different. My relationship with my teens is different.

I look at these children and think "it all goes by in the blink of an eye". I'm so thankful for the opportunity to homeschool them for a front row seat! 

 

How to Reach Your Teen Homeschooler's Heart

Are you homeschooling a teen? How do you reach their heart?

 

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Homeschooling "Big Kids"

The Joys of Homeschooling Older Children