Blog

Love Them Well

It is hard to assume both the role of mother AND homeschooling mother. 

When we homeschool it feels as if the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Our children's ENTIRE education is our responsibility. 

And, because they are home with us all day, we also train them in various household chores, relationships with siblings, and so much more.

Can I tell you the number of times I have said (out loud) "I just want to be their mom!". That, however, isn't the reality. I am mom and HOMESCHOOLING mom. I am learning to balance the two.

When I met a dear friend for coffee recently we were talking about all the nitty-gritty things of homeschooling - which curriuclum was working, how we were supervising our eldest children, and balancing littles while homeschooling older children.

As often happen (particularly with this wise, wise friend) - I had one valuable takeaway from our conversation.

Did I Love Them Well Today?

My friend told me she gets so caught up in the details of homeschooling and the busyness of her life that she has decided to make ONE THING of importance to her this year.

She's making a point of asking herself at the end of each day if she has loved her babies WELL that day - has she shown the love of Jesus to them at every possible moment? 

That was a sobering moment for me -- because (if you recall) a few weeks ago I wrote about a school year's resolution - and focusing on just ONE THING this year. Well - I think I'm needing to adjust, or maybe at least to call that post "What's Your ACADEMIC School Year's Resolution?".


Love Them Well

In the end, all that matters is if we loved our children well during the day.

Did we show them grace? Did we model forgiveness? Did we show patience and perseverance? 

All of these attributes contribute to loving the people in our care WELL.

I can't expound much more on the point, but I can encourage you (as I seek to change this in my own life) to check in with yourself a few times each day and ask: 

Am I loving them well?

 

Am I Loving Well

Practical Ways to Love them Well

As I look back, our best homeschool days have been the ones where I have loved my children well. 

It sounds so beautiful, doesn't it? But how do we really focus on loving our children when there is just so much STUFF to accomplish and so many responsibilities to maintain.

10 practical ideas:

  • Read aloud more - do less bookwork - read aloud often (even to those teens!)
  • Include things of beauty (music, art, poetry) - these set the tone for a more peaceful and loving home
  • Remind yourself (often!) that today is TEMPORARY - those math or reading struggles do not last and will be a distant memory 10 years from now.
  • Get Outside - fresh air, exercise, nature study, and a change of scenery recharge our batteries and help us show LOVE.
  • Set Limits - include quiet times, routines, and structure - when children know the expectations everyone is happier, more relaxed, and more loving.
  • Do Less - a few things done well are so much better than many done poorly - if we focus on just a few things, everyone is happier because their success and satisfaction is greater.
  • Say NO - your children are your first priority - you may have to say no to many things in order to have the time, patience, and freedom to love them well. You have been called to homeschool. Let that be your priority.
  • Stick with Friends - Iron Sharpens Iron, yes? Spend time with mom friends who have similar goals and ideals. Hold each other accountable.
  • Relationship First - always! - As you are interacting with your children, remember your relationship with them is so much more important than imparting sentence structure, the commutative property, or what the capital of Zimbabwe is. Look into their eyes. Stop when they are talking to you. Give them your full attention many times a day.
  • WWJD - I know - so cliche, right? Honestly, what would Jesus do if he were in your homeschool working with your children? It's something to think about and strive for.

 

Love Them Well

 

This year (which happens to be my LAST homeschooling year with one of my children) I'm going to focus on loving my children well .

They will not remember the academics - they WILL remember the memories we made on field trips, the times I was patient and loved them through a hard assignment, and the times I threw academics to the wind to just BE WITH THEM.

I'm thankful to my dear friend who spoke those words of truth to me.

 

Resources

I'm a reader and find so much encouragement and inspiration in books. Here are a few that will help you love your children well.

Pocketful of Pinecones: Nature Study With the Gentle Art of Learning(TM) : A Story for Mother Culture ®Lessons at Blackberry Inn: Adventures with the Gentle Art of Learning(TM)Habits: The Mother's Secret to Success (Charlotte Mason Topics) (Volume 1)For the Children's Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and SchoolMother and   Son: The Respect EffectShepherding a Child's HeartGrace Based Discipline: How to Be at Your Best When Your Kids Are at Their WorstGrace-Based Parenting

 

 

What can you do to love your children well?

Let me know in the comments below - let's encourage each other!

 

You might also like:

3 Keys to a Successful Homeschool

Homeschool Requires Consistency

 

 

Am I Giving My Homeschooler Enough?

My heart hurts when I witness a loving homeschool mom question if she is giving her children ENOUGH. 

I know the tendency is there for all of us to ask this question. Believe me, I have done it - and continue to do it - no matter what anyone tells me. I struggle to stay in my own lane.

Are my children learning everything they should? Do they have the sports opportunities they need? Do they have the social outlets other children have? Will they be prepared for the college everyone else thinks they should go to?

Am I doing enough for my children, or could a "school" do it better?

Am I Giving My Homeschooler Enough?

We are a society of COMPARISON. We are a society of PROOF and measurable success. 

These things are what lead us to think we are NOT enough. As you progress through your homeschooling tenure, you become stronger at blocking out other voices and feeling the need to prove yourself to the world. 

Moms (and dads) - you ARE enough. By the very fact that you homeschool your children, you are giving them ENOUGH.

*Disclaimer: I know there are good bad examples of homeschooling out there. I'm not addressing those. I am speaking to the parents that are committed to their children and committed to the practice of educating them at home. 


5 Reasons You ARE Enough

Listen to me. 

This is the job you have been called to do. Homeschooling has been laid on your heart. You owe your children a parent who is confident in their decision to homeschool and confident they are giving them ENOUGH. 

 

1. No one knows your child better than you do.

Homeschooling allows for a 100% personalization of your child's education. Because you spend all day with your child you know what time of day they learn better, under what physical circumstances they learn better, and what their learning style is. 

You are an EXPERT - an expert on your children. This is nothing to be taken lightly. How many other people in the world are experts on YOUR children? Probably none. 

When you doubt if you are doing enough for your children, remember the intimate knowledge you have of them and how this allows you to customize their education.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

 

2.  Consider what you are NOT giving your children. 

Through homeschooling your children you are not giving them mindless worksheets, homework for homework's sake, Common Core curriculum, wasted time, and watered down history through textbooks. You are not giving them silent lunch, shortened recess, a rowdy bus ride, or punishment for a group because one child misbehaved. You are not giving them lockdown drills or the threat of other students bringing guns to school.  

Next time you are doubting if you are giving your child enough, just remember what you are NOT giving them, ok?

 

3. Determine YOUR goals and standards. Period.

To be honest, we spend way too much time thinking about everyone else's standards. 

When you begin homeschooling, take time to craft a goals and mission statement. Who says your child needs to be reading by the age of 6? Who says they need to know their multiplication tables by third grade? Who says you need to make "Social Studies" a subject in your homeschool? 

I had a parent a few weeks ago telling me their FIRST GRADER was going to need tutoring because they weren't reading at a certain level yet. Who says? Who makes these nebulous standards? 

Have the courage to look at the system and realize how flawed and broken it is -- YOU are the authority on what your child needs and the benchmarks they should be meeting! 

Who controls your child's education?

Homeschooling gives you the freedom to determine the course of your child's education. Use that freedom and make homeschooling your own.

 

4. Remember, Your Children Benefit Just From Being With YOU.

Maybe you are in a season where you have toddlers and infants and are trying to school an older child at the same time. Maybe you are caring for an aging parent while homeschooling. Maybe you are in a season where your health is not good. 

Whatever the situation God has put in your life, it will work for good in your homeschool. Your children benefit just from being with YOU. They benefit from YOU being there when they first learn to read, or as they struggle through long division and get a simple pat on the back reassuring them they are doing a good job. 

Nothing replaces reading aloud snuggled on mom's lap, a fun field trip to learn about animals at the zoo, or learning to bake grandma's favorite cookies from grandma herself? Nothing replaces serving an elderly family member or learning to be patient while mom recuperates from surgery.

What better training is there for real life than real life itself?

 

5. Less is really MORE.

We are living in a society that conditions us to think more is better, busier is better, and faster is better. 

In so many instances these things are WORSE. 

Children no longer have a chance to be little - we foist so much upon them at such an early age.

The greatest service we can do to education today is to teach fewer subjects. No one has time to do more than a very few things well before he is twenty and when we force a boy to be a mediocrity in a dozen subjects, we destroy his standards, perhaps for life.
— CS Lewis

When our children are very young it is enough to provide them with a lot of books and plenty of time to play.  As they get a little older we can add in a simple math program and learning to read. 

We must train our busy minds to help our children go DEEP and not wide.

If you feel you aren't giving your children enough, you are probably giving them just the right amount.

 

So, to the mom who wonders if she is giving her homeschoolers enough... I say SHE IS. 

Let's all support each other and keep the pep talking going. Homeschooling is a unique calling and we need friendship, support, and encouragement. 

What would YOU say to the mom who thinks she's not doing enough? Let me know in the comments below!