Homeschoolers: Stay in Your Own Lane

The beauty of homeschool is freedom.

Many of us have chosen to homeschool our children because we desire freedom to choose HOW to teach, WHAT to teach, and WHEN to teach it. We desire freedom to allow our children to become who God intended them to be. 

Our lives don't resemble our neighbors. We willingly abandon the ideal of traditional school.

Along the way, however, something insidious creeps into our thinking. We wonder if we're homeschooling in the "correct" way.  Have we joined homeschool group XYZ (the one everyone is talking about)?   Are we using the most rigorous math curriculum?  Should my child be participating in those robotics camps everyone is talking about? Is my high schooler earning a million dual enrollment credits (because my friend's child sure is)?  

(you get the point)

Why do we compare ourselves to other homeschoolers? 

It can literally suck the life out of a happy homeschool. 

So -- here is what I am proposing: 

A content homeschooler is one that learns to stay in their OWN LANE.

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Tips For Staying in Your Own Lane

I've schooled my children at home for nearly nine years.  I have experienced Kindergarten through (almost) graduation.  

If you DON'T stay in your own lane you will constantly be worried about what everyone else is doing - which leads to a feeling of unease, unhappiness, and discontent.  The following tips have helped ME to stay in my own lane. Implementing these things has made a DRASTIC difference in our homeschool.

Choose your tribe carefully  

Homeschool groups have different "flavors" and you need to find the one you like best.

Friends and community are crucial as we homeschool. Surround yourself with moms who share your values, goals, and ideals. 

It might take a few attempts to find this type of community - and if it doesn't feel right to you it probably isn't.  That's OK!  Learn what you can from each situation and move on if it isn't a good one. 

I had the great JOY of helping a friend of mine start a new Classical Conversations community this past year. We had a vision and knew what we wanted it to look like. We clearly felt God guiding our families to work on this endeavor together.

Last May we didn't know WHO would even join the community, WHERE we would meet, or IF we would have any tutors. We knew we had to meet and pray about it all. So we did - the earnest prayers of five moms were poured out that day and it was beautiful.

Guess what?  God worked it all out and in the end He blessed us richly with a fruitful and sweet year of learning and fun. 

This picture - our children playing a community game of kickball - is the culmination of our first year of community!  God brought together many families to learn, struggle, and pray together about homeschool and life. It's been a beautiful thing.

It was worth it to wait for my tribe and to invest in the people in my tribe.

This doesn't mean you have run out and start your own group - sometimes homeschooling on your own with just a few trusted friends for playdates and encouragement is enough.

It all depends on your LANE.

Limit your inputs

Too many opinions and voices aren't good.

You might have people in your life who think they have a stake in your children's education (or at least the right to offer an opinion).  

Guess what?  They DON'T.

Only you are in charge of your child's education and trying to homeschool by committee doesn't work.  You need to let the opinions of well meaning family and friends go in one ear and out the other.

If someone isn't building up your homeschool you might want to reevaluate the involvement they have in your life. 

As you homeschool you need people who support you -- no matter what lane you choose.

Limit your inputs.

This includes SOCIAL MEDIA. 

I love social media, but it has to be used sparingly and for encouragement, not comparison and discouragement. Limit who and what you follow and if you find yourself making comparisons or feeling "less than", it's time to reevaluate how much time you are spending and who you are following on social media.

Let your children lead you

Never let your "method" become more important than your child.

If you decided to homeschool so  your child could have a more individualized education, why do want to do what all of the other homeschoolers are doing?

Have faith that your child will develop interests and passions as you homeschool. Follow their natural bent, provide opportunities for what they love to do, and I KNOW the rest will fall into place. I guarantee you it won't look like anyone else's homeschool - and that's what we want! 

Your dreams might not necessarily be your child's -- that's a hard pill to swallow, isn't it? 

A truly courageous homeschool parent is one who has the faith to let their child travel in their lane, and then follow them for the ride!

Trust your judgment

Why do we doubt ourselves?

God has gifted your children to YOU and you know what is best for them. 

Do your research, be diligent in your homeschool endeavors, and stay in your own lane.

I believe it really IS that simple.

Get on your knees

One of my favorite books is Liturgy of the Ordinary. In this book it talks about how being PROSTRATE is so important for our daily worship experience. We need to get down on our knees and pray for our kids. Pray for the strength and wisdom to stay in your own lane, for God to be your driver!

Is prayer time a regular part of your day?  Is it the FIRST line of defense when you have a worry or concern about your homeschool? 

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Comparison is human nature.  

All it takes is a few minutes on Instagram or Facebook and anyone can wind up feeling "less than". 

Here's my mantra these days. I speak these words daily to my myself and my children... and I find it's great for helping all of us stay in our own lanes! 

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A Few Resources

The following books have given me the courage to stay in my own lane. Maybe they can help you, too.

• Teaching From Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakable Peace

• Educating the Whole Hearted Child

• The Mission of Motherhood

• Different - The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and The Mom Who Loved Him

• For the Children's Sake

I'd love to hear from you -- do you find it hard to stay in your own lane?

 Care to share your struggles with our community?

Stop Telling Me Why You Can't Homeschool (High School)

I used to get tired of people telling me why they can't homeschool.

Quickly, however, I began to tune that out.  As my kids have gotten older I have something NEW that gets on my last nerve (well - not really, but it does kind of irritate me!).

Now, when people hear we are homeschooling all the way through high school they come up with a million reasons why they could NEVER homeschool high school.

I'm hear to tell you that you CAN homeschool high school, and that in many respects it's EASIER than homeschooling little ones. And, in many respects it is more GRATIFYING, too. 

So, in lieu of screaming "Stop Telling Me Why You Can't Homeschool High School!",  I would say, "Have faith, not fear" and then I would also share the following: 

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High School is THE Most Important Time to Homeschool

High School is probably THE most important time to homeschool.  By educating our children at home during their high school years we are allowing the time and space to think deeply, develop lasting relationships, and practice valuable life skills.

• Safety - From a purely practical standpoint, our kids are exposed to less drugs, violence and bullying when they are homeschooled. This last week alone I have heard horror stories of kids selling Oxy at school, kids having sex in the bathrooms, and one girl not wanting to go to school because other girls are bullying her.  These are stories from people I know PERSONALLY.  

• Influence - Who do you want to exert the most influence over your child - peers or parents. I have heard the argument "Well, they need to be in the REAL world at some time.".  That time is NOT high school. The homeschool high school kids I know are kind, grounded, and hard working. Many of them have jobs and dual enroll. They are involved in their churches and with volunteer groups. They have good relationships with their parents and siblings.Their parents are working hard to make sure they have the BEST influences so that when they DO go into the real world they are prepared to make a difference.  

• Teaching them to THINK - Living in this social media age has created teens that are incapable of thinking deeply. They rely on a media snippet for information and sometimes jump on the latest bandwagon and adopt the latest hashtag. I would like to believe that by homeschooling our children we can teach them to think DEEPLY. We can give them time and space and we can have CONVERSATIONS with them about the big things in life.  

What About Socialization in Homeschool High School?

This question is laughable.

Here is the answer you can give whenever anyone asks you if you are worried about your kids being "socialized" because you homeschool them for high school.

"I thought school was for learning, NOT for socializing."

The kind of "socializing" our children will get in school is one that often breeds disrespect, shallow thinking, and a focus on things that kids just shouldn't be focusing on at this age. 

Many parents asked me, "Aren't you worried your kids will miss the prom, football games, and all of that FUN STUFF that comes with high school?"  It's all a matter of what you know and what you promote. Sometimes I think all of these things are more for the PARENTS than for the kids.  I'm also wondering if it's good to teach our children to spend literally HUNDREDS of dollars on the prom and to get so whipped up about a football game? 

And, as a Classical homeschooler I'm always asking myself if what we are doing holds to the ideals of TRUTH, BEAUTY, and GOODNESS.

(For example, our Classical Conversations Challenge students have an event - Protocol. The students go to a nice dinner (often hosted in someone's home), are encouraged to use and are taught appropriate etiquette, and then attend a cultural performance. Students all go as friends and there is no pressure of having a "date".)

Of course, if you don't seek out activities for your high schoolers, they will get lonely. Kids do need friends and positive peer influences at this age, which is why there is an abundance of groups, clubs, and opportunities for homeschool high schoolers.

My high schooler has been in Classical Conversations, which provides a good friendship base for her. She also is very connected with her church youth group. 

You will find that the more entrenched you become in homeschooling, the more amazing opportunities you will find for your child to be "socialized" (whatever that means).

How Will I Teach The "Hard Stuff" in Homeschool High School?

I get this question. I really do.

Calculus, Physics, Latin - those make my head spin. 

Thank goodness there are WONDERFUL online and in person resources we can avail ourselves of as homeschoolers. Here is a list for you (not exhaustive, I am sure - just ones we have had positive experiences with that you might want to investigate):

• Memoria Press  Academy
• HSLDA Academy -- use code PTYY589 to receive a $30 discount on any course (discount for HGL readers only)
• Veritas Press Academy
• Mr. D Math

I love that we have a quiet place in our basement for my high schooler to take online classes, research, and spend her days learning and creating - and I'd like to think it's more inviting than sitting at a desk looking at the same four walls each day.

We have also taken high school classes through Classical Conversations (in person) and are taking advantage of our state's dual enrollment program for homeschoolers. 

Also, keep your ears open in your area, seek connections with others just ahead of you on the high school path, and you will find many great opportunities for learning. 

I've found that HSLDA is a great resource for homeschool. 

What About College and Homeschool High School?

First, most colleges and universities are now homeschool friendly - many even have their own admissions counselor for homeschoolers. You will find, when you visit a college website, that there are application instructions for homeschoolers specifically.

Second, after you've been homeschooling any length of time you will start to think outside the box.  This includes thinking outside the box for college as well. Maybe your child wants to learn a trade instead of go to college. Maybe they want to attend a junior college while they live at home and then transfer into a 4 year institution. Maybe they want to start their own business instead of going to college.

I believe (for my own children) that a college education will serve them well, but I don't believe in a college education that costs upwards of $40K/year and puts a child into sometimes lifelong debt. Surely there are better ways to steward our time and money.   

Third, your child will be uniquely marketable to colleges BECAUSE they are homeschooled. Keep good records, encourage them to have unique experiences, and help them cultivate their God given potential - then have FAITH everything will work out! 

I've found these resources and articles to be very helpful in this area:

• The Home Scholar
• Homeschool Students Excel in College
• Is Homeschool the Best Preparation for College
• The Homeschooler's Guide to Getting into College
• Home-Schooled Teens Ripe for College

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Helpful Books for Homeschool High School

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Please don't be afraid to homeschool high school. I'm right there with you and it's really not that bad - in fact, I think it's a lot of fun!

The next time you tell someone you're homeschooling high school and they say they could NEVER do that, just smile sweetly and say, "Oh, I think you might surprise yourself.  If I can do it, I know YOU can do it, too."

Talk to me about homeschooling high school.  What are your fears?  What are your success stories?  I'd love for the comments below to be an encouragement to all who read this post!

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